25 March, 2003
Dear Mom and Dad,
Thank you SO much for the lovely birthday presents! Who could have thought of so perfect a gift as plants for my yard! And, fruit trees, no less! I planted the apples and apricots the minute I got them, strategically flanking the house so that, when they grow, they will give a lovely prospect from the street. The blueberries will be fantastic on the far end of the back lot, blocking the view of the alley, and, since there is a chain link fence between them and the neighbors’ kids, I may actually be able to get a healthy harvest from them all, in just a few years.
I am so excited by the Dwarf Red Jonathans, though, I can hardly wait until they mature enough to bear fruit! Just think -- in a few years, I’ll be bringing home-grown, homemade pie to holiday dinners! This is so nifty, I am practically spinning! I can’t wait to show everybody!
All my love and many, many thanks,
Me.
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Customerservice@e(plant company name).com
Subject: apple and apricot trees not growing (id#08-------)
This March I received, as a gift from my parents, a pair of Dwarf Red Jonathan Apple trees and a pair of Manchurian apricots, along with other plants and seeds. While the rest of the order is healthy and strong, even after our peculiar spring weather, my dormant trees seem permanently dormant. After waiting the advised six weeks, I am still seeing no change in the status of the sticks I put in my dirt. Please advise me: should I return the sticks postage due, will you send a return sticker with postage paid, or will you please simply send me replacement trees?
M
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Subject: Re: apple and apricot trees not growing (id#08-------)
We are sorry to hear of the problem you have had with your plants. In
accordance with our guarantee, simply return the ORIGINAL shipping label for
a free replacement or merchandise credit. Please be sure to specify in your
letter how many of which item is dead and your desire for a replacement or
credit. There is no need to return the dead plants when requesting
replacements.
We will keep the shipping label on file in our office for the year the
warranty is good for. In the event you need additional replacements for
other items included on this label, simply write to us and indicate that we
have the label on file due to a previous replacement and we will process
your request.
Remember to always keep any label attached to a shipment.
Thank You
Customer Service
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My name here
My address
small town, State, Zip+four
e-mail: m----@------.com
10 May, 2003
B--- Seed And Plant Co.
Their address
somewhat larger town, State, Zip+four
Attn: Customer Service
Re: pkg ID # 08------
To Whom It May Concern
Please find enclosed the shipping label for the package received in late March, as advised in your e-mail instructions to me.
As I said in my internet communique, the 2 Manchurian Apricot trees and the 2 Dwarf Red Jonathan Apple Trees have not returned from dormancy. It appears to be a lost cause, as I had not intended to fill my yard with sticks in dirt. I would very much prefer replacement of the same plants, if it is possible at this late date in the season. If replacement trees are no longer an option, I will be happy to accept a credit for other merchandise.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
M
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Subject: Replacement trees arrived: questions
The replacements you sent for my Manchurian apricot and Dwarf Red Jonathan
Apple trees have arrived, thank you!
With them, however, I have a few questions I'm hoping you can answer:
(1) The package's shipping label indicated it contained the 2 Dwarf
Jonathans I requested, but the labels on the trees say "7753 12
IMPROVED GOLDN SEDUM 12
and MEDIUM GOLDN SEDUM, respectively. Is this a substitution,
because you no longer have any Dwarf Red Jonathans, or was this a packing
error? I don't know enough about the goldens, but I'm hoping that
they are tart pie-style, if they're a substitution.
(2) If it was a simple substitution, are they dwarf fruit trees, or
should I worry about planting them in my smaller, contained side
yard? (I can certainly espalier or cordon them, if full-sized, but
the aim was for lower maintenance with dwarfs).
(3) One of the apple trees seems to have a heavy coating of white
fungal growth right at the point of grafting.
Should I be concerned about any or all of these questions? I will appreciate any help you might offer me.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Yours,
M
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Subject: Re: Replacement trees arrived: questions
I believe this was an error. That is a creeping perennial type flower.
Please send back that shipping label and your correct replacements can be
sent.
Thank You
Customer Service
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My name here
My address
small town, State, Zip+four
e-mail: m----@------.com
22 June, 2003
B--- Seed And Plant Co.
Their address
somewhat larger town, State, Zip+four
Attn: Customer Service
Re: pkg ID # 08------
To Whom It May Concern
Please find enclosed the shipping label for the replacement package received last week, as advised in your e-mail instructions to me. The sticks marked “Manchurian Apricot” seem healthy and show early signs of greenery, for which I am pleased.
As it seems that the trees (whose slender trunks, by the way, do smell like apple trees) were labeled as Golden Sedum, apparently a creeping flower not known for its tree-like growth habit, we are in doubt as to their positive identification. Further, one of them appears to have a dense, white, hairy fungal growth at the point of graft, and it seems to have expanded in the past twenty hours since I opened the package. Could this be the creeping Golden Sedum? I will be grateful if you would please instruct, and send appropriate replacements as quickly as possible.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
M
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Dear Customer:
Thank you for your letter regarding some merchandise you have received from us.
In your letter you state that part of the merchandise arrived in bad condition of has not yet started to bud and leaf out. Much of our nursery stock is shipped in a dormant, bare root condition or in starter pots that require transplanting. Many times, this type of stock may look “dead” or droopy upon arrival, may lose leaves in shipment or may leaf out later than established plants. WE ENCOURAGE YOU TO PLANT ALL PLANTS AND GIVE THEM A CHANCE. Plant as directed and water regularly. The plants will almost certainly revive.
However, if your plants do not begin to leaf out after six weeks just return all correspondence and the shipping label and we will be happy to send you a replacement. If necessary advise how many of which plants have died at that time.
Thank you again for your letter and we are certain that if given more time your plants will develop into beautiful and satisfactory specimens.
Sincerely yours,
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My name here
My address
small town, State, Zip+four
e-mail: m----@------.com
30 June, 2003
B--- Seed And Plant Co.
Their address
somewhat larger town, State, Zip+four
Attn: Customer Service
Re: pkg ID # 08------
To Whom It May Concern
Please find enclosed copies of all prior correspondences regarding aforementioned package, ID # 08-----.
Your most recent response seems to have been directed toward the problem with the first set of plants you shipped to me, which, as I mentioned in my first letter, I had waited well-past the six week demarcation as suggested, before I contacted you about their apparent permanent state of dormancy. As directed in your response, I mailed to you my shipping label and a list of those plants which had failed to thrive.
As I mentioned in my more recent correspondence, the second set of trees -- the replacement Dwarf Red Jonathan Apples --that I had requested came, labeled as Improved Golden Sedum, and one of the pair fully was encrusted in a wooly, white fungal growth (covering an area several inches to either side and including the graft) I was reluctant to place in my garden. Nevertheless, I have planted these small tree starts, as advised, in approximately the locale I would choose for my replacement Dwarf Red Jonathan Apple trees when they arrive.
If replacement Dwarf Red Jonathan Apple trees are no longer an option, I will be happy to accept a credit for other merchandise.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
M
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My name here
My address
small town, State, Zip+four
e-mail: m----@------.com
28 June, 2003
B--- Seed And Plant Co.
Their address
somewhat larger town, State, Zip+four
Attn: Customer Service
Re: pkg ID # 08------
To Whom It May Concern:
I am beginning to think that the white growth can not be Golden Sedum, be it medium, or improved, or other. There appear to be (a) no golden anythings about it, and (b) no flowers. I do not mean to say merely that there are no flowers upon the white growth, but rather, no flowers remaining in my garden. As a matter of fact, I seem to have no pests, either. While, normally, I find the absence of aphids and other arthropods to be encouraging, I am not so comforted to watch this growth outrun and swallow whole a family of rabbits and the neighbor’s dog. Well, I suppose I AM happy about the dog. It has been marvelously quiet, this afternoon.
Nevertheless, I believe I need to ask advice as to whether or not I should allow this white growth any more room to grow, and, if not, what sort of treatment you would recommend I use to curtail its expansion. I am sending you a sealed sample of it, so you might gauge for yourselves.
Also, how soon can I expect my replacement Dwarf Red Jonathan Apple trees to arrive?
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
M
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Dear Customer:
Thank you for your letter regarding some merchandise you have received from us.
In your letter you state that part of the merchandise arrived in bad condition of has not yet started to bud and leaf out. Much of our nursery stock is shipped in a dormant, bare root condition or in starter pots that require transplanting. Many times, this type of stock may look “dead” or droopy upon arrival, may lose leaves in shipment or may leaf out later than established plants. WE ENCOURAGE YOU TO PLANT ALL PLANTS AND GIVE THEM A CHANCE. Plant as directed and water regularly. The plants will almost certainly revive.
However, if your plants do not begin to leaf out after six weeks just return all correspondence and the shipping label and we will be happy to send you a replacement. If necessary advise how many of which plants have died at that time.
Thank you again for your letter and we are certain that if given more time your plants will develop into beautiful and satisfactory specimens.
Sincerely yours,
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My name here
My address
small town, State, Zip+four
e-mail: m----@------.com
30 June, 2003
B--- Seed And Plant Co.
Their address
somewhat larger town, State, Zip+four
Attn: Customer Service
Re: pkg ID # 08------
To Whom It May Concern:
Perhaps you might postpone the shipment of my replacement Dwarf Red Jonathan Apple trees.
The white Golden Sedum has indeed shown itself to be a creeping variety of plant. It has wrapped itself nicely around the power lines and interrupted my electronic communications.
Please excuse the peculiar folds in the envelope containing this letter. I will have to form it into a paper airplane and toss it from my attic window in order to get it to the mailman, today. He shouted to me that he will not take the risk again, tomorrow.
Please advise. Please. Please.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
M
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18 July, 2003
B--- Seed And Plant Co.
Their address
somewhat larger town, State, Zip+four
pkg ID # 08------ returned, undeliverable at given address
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B--- Seed And Plant Co.
Their address
somewhat larger town, State, Zip+four
Mr. And Mrs. M., Sr.
Their address
Smallish town, State, Zip+four
Re: pkg ID # 08------
July 19, 2003
We are sorry that the gift plants you ordered from us were viewed as unsatisfactory. Please accept our credit for the full value of the Dwarf Red Jonathan Apple trees, at $--.-- total, including shipping.
Should you have any questions or comments for us, please do not hesitate to contact us.
Customer Service
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30 July, 2003
Dear M,
I’m sorry to hear you didn’t like the trees we sent you, after all. You know we only want for you to be happy. Apparently, what we do is never enough. Your sisters seemed to like their plants just fine! If you had just told us you didn’t like the trees and plants, we’d have found something else for you. Unfortunately, we had to find out the hard way, when we received the refund credit notice. Sometimes, I just don’t understand you!
Your loving mother,
Mom
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22 October, 2003
Dear M,
Mom says you haven’t acknowledged her letter to you about the nice trees she sent you and you didn’t like. Are you still sulking because you didn’t get Grandma’s clock and table? I can’t believe how spoiled you are! I can’t believe you and I came from the same womb!
Grow up!
Your sister,
J
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29 December, 2003
Dear M.
Thanks for making Mom miserable on Christmas Day! She stayed in the kitchen, crying over the gravy, because you couldn’t even be bothered to give her a call. And my kids say thanks for nothing. Literally. Now I know why nobody married you.
I hope you rot in hell.
Your sister,
L
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September 9, 2005
Inter-office Memo:
...Kudos to Roger and Mose, of the R&D section here at B---Seed and Plant Co., for all the work they put into the project, and for the patent on the new food crop they’ve developed as a result. White Gold will surely be the answer to the world’s hunger problem, with its rapid growth and minimal requirements, and the high level of protein and fiber. We were so very lucky when we decided just over two years ago to transfer Mose over from Customer service.
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